Alexander N. Riadasa

[Madame Lee]

The reason being that it housed several dark wizards who oddly enough never harmed the Riadasa family. The reason being was that they were related or at least their leader was. Their leader was Alexander's Uncle Helase who harbored great hatred for his elder sister.

Alright. I got up to the part where you went to the Islands, but got a little bit confused when you were talking about the dark wizards (what is quoted above.)

You talk about this leader that was your uncle. I can also assume that this was the same man who was hiding things for you too, right?

With this added information, some more questions popped up into my head as I was reading. Why did these people follow your Uncle? Was he teaching them the dark arts, or is he attempting to take the title of Dark Lord? These questions need to be answered before I can continue onto what I am about to say.

[Alexander N. Riadasa]

I edited my profile to answer those questions, I also put a little more detail into the capturing of Helase and Justin Riadasa. I hope this will be enough and clear up any confusion.

[Madame Lee]

He had actually attacked the young girl when she was in her sixth year at Hogwarts. The school had gone on a trip to Hogsmeade and he attacked her in broad daylight but thanks to his followers escaped capture.

The Death Eaters are an ambitious society as you well know. They are manipulative, and would find any weakness to be an advantage toward themselves. If their teacher could not even catch a 16 year old girl, than they would have most likely plotted against him for power. I would suggest for you to just cut off this detail for it is also unimportant. However, you could keep it in there, but there would need to be more explaining to do.

[Alexander N. Riadasa]

I edited the mentioned part so that it is more detailed. I hope it is acceptable now.

[Madame Lee]

The girl had escaped capture because of the simple fact that a certain teacher, Mcgonagall. A large duel resulted and several aurors were called and the group of dark wizards were almost captured. Thanks to a quick diversion the group was able to escape and regroup at their base, barely escaping capture.

I am not sure if this is a huge problem, but you are effecting a cannon character's history. I would see this as something small, but your sister's life was in stake, and you also revealed an attack by Death Eaters. Because of this, the situation is a little bigger, and effects the history of the professor. However, I will pm a staff member about this problem.

[Alexander N. Riadasa]

I see, I'll edit it if they don't agree with it being there. If it's ok I'll be happy but if not there isn't anything I can do but change it. So is there anything else we need to fix?

[Madame Lee]

Alright. Time for corrections. The things in red are things you need to correct in your profile.

At the age of six, he had his first run in with a power that would come in handy a lot later in life. His mother, being a hydro kinetic herself, genetically passed it on to Alexander who is oddly the only child to harness this power. Well, one day on their usually trip to Costa Rica, a favorite vacation spot thanks to the floo system. They went to a very unknown beach where very few went. The reason being that it housed several dark wizards, who oddly enough never harmed the Riadasa family. The reason being was that they were related, or at least their leader was. Their leader was Alexander's Uncle Helase, who harbored great hatred for his elder sister. He had actually attacked the young girl when she was in her sixth year at Hogwarts. The school had gone on a trip to Hogsmeade, and he attacked her in broad daylight but thanks to his followers escaped capture.

The girl had escaped capture because of the simple fact that a certain teacher, Mcgonagall. A large duel resulted and several aAurors were called,and the group of dark wizards were almost captured. Thanks to a quick diversion, the group was able to escape and regroup at their base , .They barely escaping capture escaped.

Their Uncle was a man who had attempted several times to create a large enough group of wizards so that he may become a new Dark Lord. Helase's attempts went poorly because his followers had an odd habit of getting captured. He taught them in the dark arts, but failed to teach them secrecy. This which would lead them to his capture as well as Justin Riadasa.

[Alexander N. Riadasa]

After many retries and attempts I've finally finished editing it. My computer kept going back a page and didn't save the corrections so I had to do this about five times or more before it took.

[Madame Lee]

Alex during a usual swimming lesson since he wasn't the best at it mainly because he had little time for swimming.

This doesn't really come out right. if you could reword this, that would be great.

Her brother commented on her dueling skills during this time and gained a lashing from her as well as the water under her control. Needless to say her brother escaped but with a broken arm and a few cuts.

It is kind of ironic that she could out beat her brother in this when she lacked the basic components of dueling. Especially to someone who wanted to claim the title dark lord. Also, how would he be able to go back to his followers with a broken arm? Again, the ambition will spur up again.

[Alexander N. Riadasa]

I edited both parts and omitted a few parts. I hope it sounds better now.

[Madame Lee]

It does. Good job.

Alex's mother put an end to his language lessons for about two years and forced him to study up on his powers as well as practice with them daily. It was a slow processes but with time he was able to get the hang of it. After six months of his mother's training he learned how to create small waves using his mind, it was a very rare thing for some one to be able to do a feat like this so soon but it wasn't unheard of.

However, it is said in the books that wizard parents home-school their children in basic non-magical topics, such as literacy and arithmetic. It is also illegal to perform magic if you are underage. Water movement is considered more of a magical power rather than a mutant power (like in other stories). Because of this, it would be unreal for your mother to teach you how to work your water bending before school. After his first term sounds more reasonable.

[Alexander N. Riadasa]

I changed the excerpt so that it shows he was only taught the theories. I added a part later on during his first year that tells about him learning how to actually use the powers. I hope this is more to your liking.

[Madame Lee]

During a usual swimming lesson, Alex almost drowned, but thanks to an peculiar thing he saved him self. He unknowingly used hydrokenises, and was able to propel himself out of the water so that he wouldn't drown. His mother, not expecting this fainted at the sight, and his uncle he took great interest into it. His uncle was always looking for a future heir to his legacy, and he was considering Alex at that very moment.

Once his mother recovered from her fit, she informed her family that it was her blood that gave Alex Hydrokenises. The family was in great shock at this since everyone saw her as just a middle aged witch with a lack of skills when it came to dueling. Her brother commented on her dueling skills during this time, and gained a tongue lashing from her as well as the water under her control. Needless to say her brother ended up using a series of charms, and jinxes to knock some sense into his sister.. Once the feud was over, she decided to take Alex under her tutalige so that he might learn to control his powers.However, wouldn't train him until after his first year.

The family returned to their home in Germany after a month in Costa Rica. Alex's mother put an end to his language lessons for about two years, and forced him to study up on his powers history. It was a slow processes, but with time he was able to memorize all the theories on the power. After six months of his mother's training, he learned how to create small waves using his mind in theory , He had never done it but he knew how to. His mother, surprised by this, put an end to his lessons , She was afraid he would surpass her skills in hydrokenises, and take away the one thing only she had mastered in the family. Even if it was only in theory it still frightened her.

[Alexander N. Riadasa]

I edited the grammatically errors that you pointed out.

[Madame Lee]

Heather lifted her daughter against the wall in a fight of rage and used the killing charm her wand pointed at her daughters chest. So was the end of both of her daughters and the beginning of great despair.

The Death Curse is a big thing in the English Wizarding World. You can conclude that Germany would feel the same about this too. You will need to explain how you covered her death.

Neifle the husband of the now dead Vickie attempted to strike Heather down but was ended by an exploding charm compliments of Uncle Helase. The young man was blown into a million pieces and the boys friends fled. So was the closing of a page that would go down in family history, the battle of a mother and daughter and the death of two of her daughters.

You would also need find a way to get out of this mess too.