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Post by arabella on May 7, 2009 4:44:20 GMT -7
4th April 2011
I have now officially been released from Azkaban for two days now and am staying with my parents. Lucia and Dorcas are staying with my inlaws and right now relations between the two familes are a right mess. My parents really belived in Voldemort's cause and the Burke's stayed neutral keeping their head down. So I guess they'll never be reconcilled now.
I write this diary so that one day my children might read it and it serves as a warning to them not to get involved with dark wizarding causes. The warning being this will cost you any normal life you'd expect to have even if you serve a sentence a court passes. Even being released it feels like I serve a sentence even now.
My children are my life now and things are starting to fall into place. I now know how much is in my Gringotts account and tomorrow my mother will take me to Diagon Alley to get a new wand. The first time I'll face the wizarding world since I came home. I'm sure it'll be a hard test but I will face it for my children's sake.
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Post by arabella on May 9, 2009 11:30:07 GMT -7
5th April - still dark outside
I woke up from a nightmare as I re-lived the escape attempt. Firstly the sounds of blasting charms or keys rattling in locks. Then came the stampede to safety as we passed the bodies of the guards. Some prisoners had taken the dead guards wands including a guard I killed myself with my hands round his throat. I now owned his wand.
Then somebody set of the fiendfire and we had to run for our lives Our group was seemingly the last out before that fire slammed against the thick door of the apparation room. Anybody who hadn't made it by then would have been claimed by the firestorm.
Thats when I woke up and one thing was clear in my mind. Things would have been neater and easier for my children if the fiendfire had claimed me. How can I be a mother again with so much blood on my hands? How can I even have some kind of normal life? How could they have any kind of normal life given my actions will affect how people see them. Even when they're adults themselves they'll still be the children of a mass murderess and a convicted Death Eater.
Yet I feel I must try and do what seems impossible. I still can't shake the feeling off that they would be better without me in their lives. Thank Merlin they at least have two sets of loving grandparents to help raise them once I'm gone.
Someday I'll die and I can't escape that fate. I might meet death at the hands of a member of the public or another Death Eater. While I may feel suicidal at times I don't have the courage to take my own life and leave the world that hates the person I became so much. So much for the dreams of Voldemort which continue in the shape of the ranks of the surviving Death Eaters.
Dorcas and Lucia. If you ever read this diary don't be drawn in by silky words and promises of glory and a better world that would be free of muggleborns. It all leads to death, destruction and the loss of your soul, a little piece at a time.
I'm a relic of the past who probally will be unable to change her stars so either my own death or taking anothers life will await me. Merlin forbid I might even be dragged back to the old life I had but I don't want that to happen for your sakes. Theres no place for me in the civilised world right now but you can avoid all this if you listen to my warning.
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Post by arabella on Jul 16, 2009 14:12:47 GMT -7
10th April
Yesterday I ran into Dimitrov. He reminded me of what I owed him and HER as I was shopping for summer dresses and my new wand. So I said I would meet him the following night to talk about this further to give me time to set affairs in order.
Right now I may have liberty but I don't have much else. Just the contents of a Gringotts vault, a wand and some new clothes. I don't have custody of my children and probally never will again, certainly no prospects and only about three people care for me as a person. To the rest I'm still branded as a Death Eater and murderess who should never have been released or as a pawn to the new Death Eater grouping led by HER.
With all I have lost its not going to drag me back. I'd rather die and I might well be walking to my death when I meet him again. Could he have the guts to kill me when I refuse him and follow Karkarov into the next world? The direct future is very cloudy.
What I have recently found out has saddened me further. It must be a sin to doubt your own parents words but if its true my children will grow up with no memory of me or my parents in their lives. Selective obilviation I've been told has already started but somehow I'll get Lucia and Dorcas back and as long as theres life in my body I'll keep trying.
So this diary if found by them is even more important. On the following page is my new will and witnessed by my father.
This is the last will and testament of Arabella Cassia Burke nee O'Brien. This replaces the will stored in Gringotts.
My clothes will go to my mother. My new wand will go into my parents care so one day either Lucia or Dorcas can recieve it. My Gringotts account will go into trust for my children, my parents holding this responsibility. My daughters will also recieve a 50/50 spilt of this when Lucia achieves the age of majority. Dorcas' share will remain in trust for her until she also turns 17.
My father will recieve what dragon research, manuscripts and photos that remain from my former career as an academic. Not all of it perished in the fire which claimed my husbands life. Its in a trunk in the loft of their house.
Signed : Arabella Burke Witness: Peter O'Brien
(page turns)
And this may well be my last words recorded. I know what my decision will cost me but death has been a close companion for many years. I don't fear it and I won't run from it.
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